The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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