There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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