you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She needs sedatives and a leash
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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