Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
When are your genitals available?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
