then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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