My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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