Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
