24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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