Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This is my gift to your gina
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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