I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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