i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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