we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
