Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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