just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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