i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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