Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
