She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Couch. On fire.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
