I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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