Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
