I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
