You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
