i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
