its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
