I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
