Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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