Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
