Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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