I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
