Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
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Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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