Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
