I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i now understand why vodka
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
