Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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