It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
