do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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