A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
