I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
