making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
this hospital has no fireball
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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