i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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