Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
you made out with another girl for some wings
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
