I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
