i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
