Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
