You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
only you would photoshop your dick
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
