Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
