That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
