i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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