im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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