I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
