Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
