It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
