I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
