I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
