bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
