We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
