He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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