His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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