those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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