Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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