Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
