A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
