Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
