when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
